An Apology to Canadians and other sensitive minorities.

I received a lot of heat after some comments I made in several blog posts recently. In response I have made a few changes to this blog, further removing these writings from my personal life. Additionally, I would like to issue a public apology to all offended parties.

I'M SORRY YOU WERE OFFENDED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET THE JOKE. I'm sorry that your internet safe search did not filter out "moustache ride" as too offensive, which it is. I'm sorry that you confused a blog called sunday morning moustache ride for The New Yorker.  I am sorry that you found references to "your mother" under "reasons why I have a glass coffee table" too repugnant. I am sorry if you felt references to your country of origin or lifestyle choices crossed the line.  In short, I'm sorry that you took me seriously.

My blog is not designed to single out and ridicule any one group or person, instead I have chosen to joke about everyone.  The ONLY exception is Mike Sinyard, I will not make any jokes about Mike because, I'm pretty sure he is a Sith Lord and could kill me with his mind.

 

You shall spend the rest of your days working in a Performance Bike, yesss.

I am thrilled that my writing has elicited such a strong response. Until recently I was unaware of the power that my words could have. I was unaware of the reach that my tiny blog could have (Czech Republic? Really?). I never grew up wanting to be a writer, or an asshole, but now I'm BOTH! Someday I may turn these words into paychecks, but I doubt it, I still don't want to be a writer when I grow up, I'm just too good at being an asshole to stop.

So please accept this sincere apology (or don't) and go ride your bike.