Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Former drug addict Rush Limbaugh is still a big fat idiot

Rush Limbaugh has no business lecturing anybody about fitness.

Rush Limbaugh is known for several things: wildly conservative political views, an addiction to prescription pain killers and laughably small genitals. One thing that rush Limbaugh has never been known for is fitness, of any kind, even during wartime.  Sure he has been seen golfing but he usually "let[s] the colored boy" carry his clubs. Sure he lost a bunch of weight when he was on drugs, but that's only because it is super hard to eat a whole cheesecake when you are high on Vicodin and Oxycontin (I'm sure he tried). Rush's working knowledge of  health seems a bit lacking.
In the background you can see the caddy who Rush jokingly calls "Kunta Kinte"
Here is a DIRECT quote from his own website 
The last time Rush had an elevated heartbeat and a sweaty brow he was waiting to be acquitted of sexual assault charges. 
As a rich white guy, I assume Rush can talk confidently about mutual funds, the Buick LeSabre and oppressing minorities but, his lack of experience with exercise is exactly what makes his opinions of bicycling, and who should be cycling, totally worthless.

Who cares about the opinions of a big, fat, idiot like Rush Limbaugh? Rush Limbaugh does.
Last week former Vietnam vet and current Secretary of State John Kerry crashed his bicycle on a mountain in France and broke his leg. Most people were concerned for his safety, Kerry was airlifted to a hospital in Geneva Switzerland and then later flown back to Mass. General Hospital where he saw the doctor that performed both of his hip replacements.
But Rush Limbaugh is not most people, he's a colossal dick. Rush heard the news, put down a giant bowl of pudding, and took the opportunity to talk shit, saying that 71 year old John Kerry was too old to ride a "stupid bike".


John Kerry has been riding bicycles for years, he wasn't just doing it in France for a photo-op as Rush assumed. This was actually the second time this year Kerry had ridden in the French Alps. Being Secretary of State means you have to fly your ass all over the damn globe; Kerry has been to 62 countries in the last two years and has ridden his bike in most of them. Rush Limbaugh can only name 39 states and he hasn't ridden a bicycle in ANY of them. 

Here's Kerry riding his custom Serotta. If I were Sec of State I would be running Di2 instead of old 7800 Dura-Ace.

Rush Limbaugh is a coward.
I usually disagree with Rush Limbaugh for political reasons or the fact that he is probably a rapist but this time I disagree with him based on manliness. Rush thought what (purple heart awarded) Kerry did was stupid and unsafe, even though his "peloton" included paramedics and a physician and security guards. Do you know what that means? It means Kerry was in less danger than your average cyclist on the bike path in Philadelphia.  Meanwhile in Russia, Vladimir Putin is punching bears to death in unregulated underground cage fights. 

Hey Rush: stop trying to make the USA look weak in front of the Russians, or the Iranians, or the terrorists, or the fuckin French!
Ok, not exactly 1080p but it was the best picture I could smuggle out of the country.
Tough Guy 2.0
John Kerry is not John Wayne or Charles Bronson, he wasn't riding a bull and shooting pistols in the air, the US may never get back our 1950s level of perceived toughness but, having a Secretary of State that climbs mountains, plays ice hockey and windsurfs sure helps.  During the helicopter ride to the hospital in Geneva Kerry was overheard saying "how about you let me fly this bird around a little bit" and was visibly peeved when he was told that it wasn't safe.
Having a Secretary of State that rides bikes in foreign countries instead of looking like a manatee in a suit helps America not look like a bunch of fat worthless slobs.

Heal up soon John Kerry, we need more politicians that aren't afraid to throw on some spandex and go kick some ass in Europe.

1 comment:

  1. What a meathead! Politics aside, Kerry is a cyclist. I would take my bike with me as well. Well done Sir. Well done.